The Pie Life And What’s In It – Interview With Samantha Ettus

Back in February, we had the opportunity to see amazing Samantha Ettus – a leading balance expert, bestselling author and Forbes contributor – in action on Dad2.0 stage. She talked about her new relationship concept – partnershift, and invited attendees to take a different look on their relationship and what being a great partner really means. She underlined the importance of sharing workload at home, making time for intimacy and committing to family.

From the moment I heard she would be at Dad 2.0, I knew I had to use this opportunity to interview her on the ever-pressing issue of work-life balance. She is the one that makes the busiest of us find their balance in life after all.

Luckily, Samantha is one amazing lady and she agreed on the spot. This is what she had to say:

Some consider work-life balance an important issue for working parents. Others consider it an empty myth. Then there are those who advocate work/life integration instead of balance. What is your opinion on the matter?

The happiest people I know are ones that feel fulfilled in both their careers and their personal lives. But for a scale to be in balance, both sides of it need to be equal and there is no chance that your work and your personal life will have perfectly equal weight on that scale. So when we set ourselves up with a faulty end goal like a scale, we lose. Instead, I advocate the pie strategy.

Your life is like a fully baked pie and you have different slices – career, kids, romance, volunteering, health, religion, friends or anything else you spend time on. I ask women to identify their slices and then base the size of their slices on time allocation. Most of us don’t have that much control over how many hours we are spending on each slice so once we have sliced our pie, you make goals for each slice and set up tactical strategies for how to get there. Now rather than beating yourself up based on time spent on each slice, evaluate your progress based on how close you are to achieving your goals for each slice. This is how you live a delicious life.

You are working with successful women, helping them face and conquer work-life challenges one step at the time. What are the main challenges they face? What advice do you give them to help them surpass those challenges?

1. A poor choice of partner. I have never seen a woman reach her potential who isn’t either single OR with a partner who supports her dreams. It isn’t possible to be super successful with a partner who doesn’t do his or her share of home and childcare and who doesn’t believe in your career goals.

2. Guilt. Guilt is an extraneous ingredient in your pie and to maximize your success you must minimize any guilt.

3. Feeling Stuck. Recognize that you are the captain of your ship, the baker of your pie. Decide what you want out of life and go after it.

Who do you think feels more under pressure when it comes to balancing their professional and personal lives: men or women? Why?

Historically women have felt the pressures of home and childcare more greatly than men and while that continues to be true, the tide is changing. For it to fully change, we need men and women committed to equality. Equality involves balance. And when you are committed to a fulfilling personal and professional life, there are always going to be challenges, which is why we need to take time spent out of the equation and focus on what we are doing with the time we are with our families. Of course, having a 50/50 partner at home, greatly helps a man or woman achieve a successful work life synergy.

Do you think taking regular me-time (time spent on activities you enjoy and that recharge you), be it reading your favorite book or going on a picnic with your family, is important? If yes, how can working moms make time for me-time in their lives, and how do you think me-time benefits them?

Most women who are feeling fulfilled in their careers and enjoy their family time don’t have that much excess time for “ME.” But “ME” changes when you have a family. There are some intense years where you are needed constantly when you are home so it is more about redefining “ME” time. Once you have a family, “ME” time includes date night or having another family over for dinner or even a plane flight alone. I know women who consider their morning commutes their “ME” time. Or that time reading a book or watching a show after the kids go to bed. We adjust to our new time starved realities and take bites of “ME” time where we can.

If you could have a whole 5 hours of me-time, devoted to doing something you love and enjoy, how would you spend them?

Reading the Sunday paper uninterrupted with my Starbucks in hand or going out for drinks and dinner with friends or on a date night. It is the simplest things that give me the greatest pleasure.

You can read more about Samantha’s philosophy on achieving balance and her “pie strategy” in her upcoming book The Pie Life, which will be published in 2016. Until then, you can follow her on social media and her Forbes column.